I have to admit, this was not my first choice for this month's article; but as I tried to zero in on a topic, the Lord kept bringing me back here. Sexuality is a challenging subject, and although I'm not entirely comfortable writing about it but I feel confident that the Lord is pointing me in this direction.
And perhaps that's the point; as Christian's the subject of sexuality should not be one that we are ashamed of as long as it is presented in a mature, Godly manner. The Church has had little to say on this subject for centuries (except to say that it is wrong or we shouldn't talk about it) so the only voice speaking about sex is the world. And the world has it wrong! For centuries the Church taught that sex was only for procreation and that abstinance was the best policy. But clearly, the Bible teaches otherwise.
The first command that God gave to Adam and Eve was, "Be fruitful and multiply" (Gen 1:28). This blessing was given before the fall; God blessed Adam and Eve's expression of sexuality within the context of their marriage. In the Garden of Eden sex was an expression of mutual love, pleasure and "oneness" with each other and with God. It was a perfect aspect of God's perfect creation.
However, when the fall occured sexuality fell too. What was created to be a wonderful expression of love between husband and wife became perverted into what we see on TV and movies today. It's very obvious that the image of sex and love that Hollywood portrays is unBiblical to say the least. There is no need for me to go into that in any detail. But the question remains, what is God's purpose for sexuality in our lives and how can we as Christian reclaim that?
God's Purpose For Sex
Each one of us are created as sexual beings; it's in our DNA. God intended it to be a good, wonderful gift. Yes, God intended sex to be the method of procreation; that is obvious. But more than that he intended it to be an act of mutual love, joy and pleasure. If sex were intended for procreation only God would have created it to be something we were driven to only on a particular cycle (picture Mr. Spock and Pon Farr on Star Trek) and one that was without pleasure, like brushing your teeth or sleeping. But he created it to be enjoyable. Why? Because he loves us and when we engage in sexual activity with our spouse we are joined with them in mind, body and spirit and, although it may seem uncomfortable for us to think about, God joins us in our shared intimacy.
Of course, God's intent for sex is to be expressed within the Covenant of marriage between 1 man and 1 woman. When the Pharisees asked Jesus about marriage he said (quoting Gen 2:24),
“Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. (Matthew 19:4-6a)
And in the Book of Proverbs we read Solomon’s admonition regarding being faithful to the marriage bed,
(15) Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. (16) Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? (17) Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. (18) Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, (19) a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. (20) Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress? (Proverbs 5:15-20)
So what can we take from these verses? In verse 15 we are told to “drink from our own well”. Of course this means that we are to only engage in sexual activity within the confines of the Covenant of Marriage. But then he adds that it is “flowing water from your own well.” In the Bible “flowing water” indicates water that is life-giving. Have you ever considered sexual expression within marriage as “life-giving” to both you and your spouse?
In verse 16 the Lord asks us a rhetorical question: “Should our springs be scattered” and our “streams of water in the streets?”. Here God is referring back to the “life-giving” water in verse 15, but when we dig deeper into the Hebrew words we see that the word translated as “springs” in this verse can also mean “source of pleasure”.
In verse 18 we read the we will be blessed if we keep our sexual intimacy within the context of the Covenant of Marriage. Furthermore in verse 19 we are told to rejoice and delight in sexual intimacy with our spouse.
Reclaiming God's Purpose For Sex
So how do we live this? How do we reclaim God's intent for our sexuality? I believe there are several ways to do this.
1). Invite God into your marriage bed. This may seem awkward at first but pray for your marriage, including your sexual intimacy. Ask God to show you his perfection for your relationship. Ask him to share the experience with you and to bless your intimacy.
2). Speak with your spouse openly and honesty regarding your marriage bed. Pray together. There are also some wonderful Christian books that can help improve intimacy in marriage. (See below).
3). Get into the Word. Find out what God has to say about this subject. What does he think?
Paul says, “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving”. This means “dirty jokes” have no place in the Christian vocabulary nor are we to treat the subject casually. We are to honor the marriage bed keeping the sexual intimacy we share with our spouse sacred and holy. We can acknowledge it without feeling shame or embarrassment at the same time that we honor it and our spouse.
I believe that the Song of Solomon is a love song on at least 2 levels. On one level it describes the love between Christ and his Church. On the other level you can clearly see that it is a celebration of sexual intimacy in marriage. I’ve read that in Solomon’s time some of the language would have raised a few eyebrows! Yet, God included such a book in the Bible. One thing we see consistently in the Bible is that God deals with sex openly and honestly – without shame.
Remember, God created sex as a good, holy and blessed activity.
Jim+
Recommeded Resources:
Intended for Pleasure, Ed and Gail Wheat
A Celebration of Sex, Douglas E. Rosenau
For Men Only, Shaunti Feldhahn
For Women Only, Shaunti Feldhahn